


Believe the Truth in Your Lies

by TemplesarentTombs



Category: 18th Century CE RPF, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: American History, Angst, I Don't Even Know, Introspection, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 00:41:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9212099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TemplesarentTombs/pseuds/TemplesarentTombs
Summary: Thomas had fallen in love before, he knew how it felt. He tried convincing himself that this wasn’t the same feeling. Jefferson had always been skilled at keeping his conflicted feelings in denial.





	

**Author's Note:**

> In my attempts to sleep, I've been reading a lot. I've been reading a lot of biographies, one of those is American Sphinx about Jefferson. I was feeling emotional about Jefferson, and my mom and I are still obsessed with the Hamilton Musical, so this little writing happened. 
> 
> Keep in mind that I wasn't trying very hard to be historically accurate, so ignore the inevitable mistakes in there.

Thomas had been a lonely man for most of his life. He wouldn’t have wanted to tell anyone that, but it was true. While Monticello was his favorite place in the world, it was suffocating-ly quiet. That was especially true when his daughters weren’t around. The loudest noise was the constant turning of the gears in his mind that seemed to never cease, and some of his only visitors were various political allies. None of the visitors were anticipated more highly than James Madison. 

He always looked forward to the younger man coming to see him, even if it was usually just on business. Madison had a mind that rivalled his own, Jefferson had to admit, and he enjoyed listening to him debate his opinions. They also shared interests outside the political realm though. 

Just having him there helped to keep Thomas from being lonely. He wished he would permanently stay, but the other man had a family and other duties to attend to so Jefferson would just have to continue appreciating his occasional visits. 

Jefferson and Madison’s relationship had always been an easy one, unlike some of the relations Jefferson generally kept with others. John Adams, for example, had an on and off friendship with Thomas. But unlike Adams, Madison wasn’t so hot-headed. He was more steady, and Jefferson appreciated that in him. 

They were like Ying and yang, two parts to one whole. Their personalities just fit together perfectly, like puzzle pieces. 

Personality wise, the two fit, but maybe more renowned was how the two had compatible professional political careers. Both politicians worked excellent together, to the point where sometimes people couldn’t be sure where one man's work ended, and where the other one’s started. 

There were times when Jefferson feared that his appreciation and admiration for James Madison crossed the platonic line. 

Thomas had fallen in love before, he knew how it felt. He tried convincing himself that this wasn’t the same feeling. Jefferson had always been skilled at keeping his conflicted feelings in denial. 

His feelings were getting increasingly harder to ignore however. His heart beat quicker, and his brain got distracted whenever he saw his friend. Thomas had to wonder if James felt anything in return for him, their lingering touches and long moments of eye contact seemed to be more than one-sided. Nothing was certain though and Thomas knew better than to confront him about it. Just add in the facts that James was a man and married and Jefferson had plenty of reasons to hide his innermost affections for Madison. Although he trusted the other man, nothing would leave their sphere of influence he was sure, but if his feelings weren’t reciprocated it would drive a wedge in their easy relationship. 

So Jefferson keeps quiet, trying his hardest to believe the lies he tells himself, that he isn’t in deep in the throes of love for his younger colleague. Or the lie that it doesn’t strike a physical pain in his heart whenever he visits Madison and sees that he’s living happily in domestic bliss, bliss that doesn’t include a major role for Jefferson. The worst and most painful lie is when he tells himself that he’s happy with things the way they are. That one he never truly believes, as hard as he tries.

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't intend to make it this sad, ahhh. Thanks for reading anyway.


End file.
